Thursday, July 29, 2010


"Hope is faith
holding out its hand
in the dark."
-George Iles

Mark arranged for my mom to take me to the hospital to feed Olivia this morning. She picked me up. Once the car was in motion and reached 65mph, she asked me about yesterday. She reminded me that I had surgery and I was postpartum. She told me that I looked amazing, but I had been through a lot and she wants to help me. It is hard for me to acknowledge that I need help. She knows and told me she was coming over next week to help organize the house and get ready for Olivia coming home. She also wants to work out a schedule to drive me to the hospital or watch Nan and Larissa. She said 'NO HITTING.' She told me she loves me. I wiped my tears... Sometimes, when the world is spinning out of control, a person just needs their mom.

Sometimes, a mom just needs to hold her baby. Olivia's weight is up to 3lbs 15oz. Her nurse practitioner, Sheila, said she had an apneic spell during the night, but recovered with gentle stimulation. This is expected with a premature baby. Now, we will do all feedings by bottle every 3 hours. If Olivia wakes up and seems hungry, we can feed her ad lib. Her NG tube is still in, but not being used. Olivia's nurse, Amy, had a bottle prepared and I fed her. Sometimes, she eats quickly, but today she kept dozing off, so I had to keep waking her. My mom and I took turns holding her.

We stopped for lunch and talked and talked. Then, we picked up Nan, Larissa, and Amore to go to grandma's for a visit and a swim. I overheard Larissa say to my mom, "Grandma, we were going to go have fun, but mom was mad."
From my mom, I overheard bits and pieces, "Be kind to your mom and your dad.... Your mom had surgery... Did you see that big incision on her tummy? How do you think that feels?... Do you think she misses Olivia?... She loves you so much..." Empathy. We learn this from our mothers.

In the darkness,
light shines through.

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