Monday, May 12, 2014

Nitrous Oxide :D

About a year and a half ago, Olivia was running around as usual, when she fell and chipped one of her front teeth.  Since this tooth was saving a spot for her permanent tooth, her dentist advised us to leave it alone and "just watch it." 
During this time, we watched it discolor slightly.  We watched and reported a cavity that appeared to be forming.  Then, she developed an abscess and her dentist said there was no way- and really no reason- to save this tooth,
so today she got it pulled. 
Sounds like the makings of a traumatic experience for a little girl,
but it wasn't
Thanks to nitrous oxide.
Olivia's got gas! 

(Wish I had the soundtrack to share)
There is something innately magical about Laughter,
something spiritually joyful,
something gratefully happy,
something that dissolves the rigid lines around our seriousness and worries,
something that diffuses and scatters negativity,
something that not only points at the elephants in the room-
or the elephants in our lives or the elephants inside us-
but creates a space, a lightness
for all to be seen and put in perspective,   
something that feels silly and simple, deep and profound,
a beautiful celebration of life! 
Listening to Olivia giggle and shriek with such wild abandon
 -unable to stop herself, not even trying to-
 and just being present as she surrendered
to all those somethings bubbling up inside her,
 spilling out into the world,
I had to laugh... 
Olivia's smile.
Did Olivia care that she got her tooth pulled?
She liked the giggle gas!

Plus, we found some S. Pinky Treats on the way home.
Wherever you are at this moment-
May giggles be with you.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

MUGA scan

Dr. Laudi wants me to go on another chemo while I wait for my biopsy results.  I got Adriamycin or Doxorubicin (same drug with different names) while I was pregnant with Olivia and I went into my first remission.  With increased exposure, these drugs are toxic to the heart, so there is a lifetime max that a person can get.  I haven't reached my max yet.  When mixed with lipids (fats) the drug is encapsulated and thought to be carried deeper into tumor cells, while reducing some of the toxicity of the drug to those innocent bystander cells.  Since this drug can damage my heart,  I am having a MUGA (mulitgated aquisition) scan to get a baseline of my ventricle functioning.

  Here is the History form they gave me to fill out.  I had to laugh!  I don't think I have ever been asked for my bra size on a medical form before and I have filled out a lot of these things. 

Here is my view while I wait for the IV team to put in a peripheral IV.

Basically, I get an IV.  They take 4 ml of blood.  The blood is mixed with some radioactive stuff for half an hour, then the blood is pushed back in.  A set of images is taken to visualize the blood flow in the lower part of my heart.  The images are taken over 15 minutes for each of 3 views.  An EKG machine is also used during the imaging.

All this cardiac stuff makes me think of hearts and love and such. 
A hearty quote:

"Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart,
 it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude."   -A.A. Milne

All a person really needs to know.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

My Biopsy Fiasco

This morning, Mark and I headed into the hospital
for another biopsy of my Lumbar 4 tumor.
Here we go...
Instructions for putting on the gown,
so nothing improper sticks out.

Waiting to get this show on the road.

The consent said L3, not L4,
so I refused to sign it.


Trying to straighten things out
with Dr. Laudi, the clinic
and the hospital staff.
Seriously thinking about going AWOL.


Big Brother is watching.
My mom told me to moon him!

This is reassuring,
but only in a PR sort of way.

The consent was changed to L4, so I signed it.
I am not sure what happened. 
I got a lot of Versed and I fell asleep.
 I was done and heading back home at 1:00pm.
At 4:00pm, I was notified that everything went well,
so now we just wait some more.
Thank you
for all your thoughts and prayers
for me,
for my family,
and for all of my caregivers.
I am grateful.