Monday, July 26, 2010


Last evening, Olivia took her entire feeding of 32ml in 10 minutes. She now gets one bottle feeding every 8 hours, with NG feedings in between. She weighs 3lbs 10oz. Taking a bottle is a lot of work for her. With a full tummy, she sleeps in my arms. We watch her sleep. Her eyes move around under her eyelids as she dreams. She smiles. Her hand reaches out. Her foot kicks. If I close my eyes, it's as though she never left me. Larissa sits nearby drawing and coloring. She is decorating the wall behind Olivia's isolette with pictures of sisters. Big sisters and little sisters and dog sisters.

Here are all the numbers, with all the blanks filled in.
Olivia Joy Landis
Born: July 8, 2010 at 3:17pm
Gestational age: 32 weeks
Weight: 3lbs 3oz
Length: 16 inches

Yesterday, I was paging through the Sunday paper and came across the Horoscopes. Curious, I scanned the dates looking for July 8. Get this- Olivia's astrological sign is... Cancer.

There it is again. Cancer. From the beginning, I chose to view cancer, not through a lens of negativity, but to be open and accept cancer as a teacher. Cancer has stripped me of things false and impermanent. Cancer has driven me deeper. By choosing to not give up, but to let go- it's as though the stars are free to align. A thought, a prayer has power. Angels are revealed. Evidence of a Higher Power- of God- in the bathroom mirror, in every face, every flower, every rock, every butterfly,... everywhere. In this state of surrender, cancer comes bearing gifts...

"A great teacher is not the one who supplies the most facts,
but the one in whose presence we become different people."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

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