Friday, February 12, 2010

In Dr. Laudi's hands

Dr. Laudi came in smiling at my appt today. He had not understood why my tumor markers had been climbing, but now it made perfect sense. There was a new source of estrogen flooding my body. A new reason for the increased nausea and vomiting.

To my amazement, Dr. Laudi does not believe this life is doomed. He refers me to a perinatologist on Monday and orders a BRCA lab draw (a test that determines if my breast cancer is genetic). The clinical trial we planned is cancelled, but Dr. Laudi says there are chemotherapy drugs that do not cross the placenta and have been used in pregnant women. He will collaborate with the perinatologist on a treatment plan- if I choose to continue my pregnancy. He reassures me that he will support any decision I make. He acknowledges that I have a lot to think about and consider- it's possible we could end up saving a baby who won't have a mother...

That possibility breaks my heart. Three children wouldn't have a mother. I feel my eyes welling with tears.

"Do you want to see a picture?" I ask.

"Of course."

I dig through my purse, take out the ultrasound picture and put it in his hands. He looks at the picture- the reason for those climbing tumor markers that had eluded him.

Dr. Laudi smiles, "Hope can spring from life in ways we do not expect."

Dr. Laudi believes. I do not take for granted how fortunate I am to have him helping me through this.  He is my guide, my interpreter.   

As he holds the picture, I look at it with him.

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