For me, August came with one more round of chemo- my last dose of Doxil in this lifetime. At the start of a new chemo, I quickly learn how it will affect my body and how I will feel. I learn which days will be hard days- with nausea/ vomiting, diarrhea, sleeping too much or not enough, eating, blurred vision or a combination or something totally new- and I plan my life accordingly. I learn how many days it will take to recover, until I start to feel sort-of like myself again. I discover a "new normal" and I work with that. Ending a chemo almost feels like a break-up. The hope and promise is a let down, though I feel hopeful and excited that this new drug/chemo may be "the One." At the same time I am anxious, because this drug/chemo is still a mystery to me, a sort-of "blind date" and I anticipate the "new normal" to come.
I feel so blessed to have come this far with cancer, but my life is so precious to me. I still want "my lifetime". There is a big world out there I would love to see and would love to show my family.
For now, here's to crossing off items on my Bucket List and being aware of surprises I never even thought to put on it!
Sharing a little of our August Joy:
|Bucket List: Minnesota Twins Game|
|Minnesota State Fair|
|Bucket List: See Natalie start High School|
Dr Laudi recently asked me how I was doing. I said "This world sucks!" He asked what I wanted. I said "A Cure."
More pain... I had a PET scan on August 25th and I knew the scan itself would not be pleasant for me due to the increased pain in my left hip, but the results still caught me off guard. The tumors I had before starting Doxil are bigger and now I have some new ones in my thyroid gland, cervical spine, lumber spine, left hip, liver and more. So many more we just quickly started searching for Clinical Trials and other chemos. The good news is I can do more chemo or start radiation. The bad news is we don't have many more chemos to choose from and having radiation could put postpone or even eliminate my chances of getting on a Clinical Trial, because I may not meet their criteria.
So, as August prepares to greet September and we kiss our summer goodbye ... we will be taking roads headed south to pick some new brains and touch some new hearts to see if they may hold the key to MY lifetime. Mayo Clinic here we come.