I have been back to work for over a month now. I know I am lucky to have a job and health insurance and that I am able to take some time to ease back into my 12 hour shifts. Mark, Natalie, Larissa and Amore have been taking good care of Olivia.
Going back to my pre-cancer job. Remember, I left with pink and purple highlights and now my hair is about an inch long. People who just know me in passing must think I was out touring with my band for awhile.
Children's Hospital has been undergoing major additions and remodeling over the past year. I weave my way through the halls and units, feeling like I am lost in one of those corn mazes.
Someone blurts out, "Hey, you got a new haircut! It's really short!"
"Courtesy of Chemo." I say, "Actually, it's getting longer."
People hug me. People get tears in their eyes. People smile. I realize how many people have travelled this bumpy road with me this past year... carried me... prayed for me... saved me...
Amusingly, people look at my chest. Stare at my chest. Never before has my chest had this much attention. And because I work among healthcare professionals- knowledgable and curious people that they are- I am asked "Are they real? Or did you have a reconstruction?" I always find this question hilarious, because my boobs are still the imperfect, kind-of lopsided boobs they always were. They are not special. Remember, they tried to kill me (Left one, I'm still talking to you).
The people in my department have taken it upon themselves to look out for me. Soloman came in and saw me eating cookies and said, "I hope that's not your lunch. You have to eat healthy things."
I told him, "The way I see it, I'm going to die, so I better eat cookies while I can."
"Sarah," he laughed, "you're not going to die."
Yes, I am. We all are. Simple fact.
In the meantime- Let go of fear. Smile. Feel grateful. Notice all the miracles occurring- all around you and inside you- all the time. Do what you love. Hug children. Pet dogs... Have a cookie :)