August 2014

Summer always goes fast... swimming, playing, reading books, bon-fires and sunsets.

For me, August came with one more round of chemo- my last dose of Doxil in this lifetime.  At the start of a new chemo, I quickly learn how it will affect my body and how I will feel. I learn which days will be hard days- with nausea/ vomiting, diarrhea, sleeping too much or not enough, eating, blurred vision or a combination or something totally new- and I plan my life accordingly. I learn how many days it will take to recover, until I start to feel sort-of like myself again. I discover a "new normal" and I work with that.  Ending a chemo almost feels like a break-up. The hope and promise is a let down, though I feel hopeful and excited that this new drug/chemo may be "the One." At the same time I am anxious, because this drug/chemo is still a mystery to me, a sort-of "blind date" and I anticipate the "new normal" to come.

I feel so blessed to have come this far with cancer, but my life is so precious to me. I still want "my lifetime". There is a big world out there I would love to see and would love to show my family.

For now, here's to crossing off items on my Bucket List and being aware of surprises I never even thought to put on it!

Sharing a little of our August Joy:

Bucket List: Minnesota Twins Game

Minnesota State Fair

Bucket List: See Natalie start High School

Dr Laudi recently asked me how I was doing. I said "This world sucks!" He asked what I wanted.  I said "A Cure."

More pain... I had a PET scan on August 25th and I knew the scan itself would not be pleasant for me due to the increased pain in my left hip, but the results still caught me off guard. The tumors I had before starting Doxil are bigger and now I have some new ones in my thyroid gland, cervical spine, lumber spine, left hip, liver and more. So many more we just quickly started searching for Clinical Trials and other chemos. The good news is I can do more chemo or start radiation. The bad news is we don't have many more chemos to choose from and having radiation could put postpone or even eliminate my chances of getting on a Clinical Trial, because I may not meet their criteria.


So, as August prepares to greet September and we kiss our summer goodbye ... we will be taking roads headed south to pick some new brains and touch some new hearts to see if they may hold the key to MY lifetime. Mayo Clinic here we come.

Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.

F***! Now what?

The damn "red devil"  aka Doxorubicin (or the lipid-based form called Doxil that I am currently on) can damage your heart, so a person can only get a certain amount in a lifetime.  Today at my appointment, Dr. Laudi informed me he did the calculations and I have now reached my maximum dose and today I got my last dose ever of Doxil. Dr. Laudi has has sent my chart to Mayo to see if he can get me on a Clinical Trial. That's the latest cancer plan. Most of my appointment was spent talking about our summers, my kids and Dr. Laudi's trip back to Malta with his wife and children. 

July 2014

Nearly 5 years ago, Dr. Laudi told me the statistics and my chances of living for 5 years with Stage IV breast cancer.  Well, I am still here!!!

I live with a cancer.... however, I feel stuck. I love my Oncologist, but I feel his focus is on comfort, on having hair, on managing pain.  I feel he has accepted that he is trying to stay a step ahead of the game, but I feel he has never set out to "cure it". I don't want to simply manage pain. I hate that pain is a telltale sign that a new tumor is growing. I want this cancer gone! I want a lifetime...

I am on my 7th drug/chemo in five years. I am told there are not many more drugs/chemos I can take. I want a CURE! I have been talking to many people and maybe I am coming to the end of the road with my doctor and my clinic. I think it's time to get another opinion, seek a fresh perspective. I am not done living!

Joy and Happiness are choices that come from the inside out. Sharing my joy and happiness with you:

Happy Birthday, Olivia Joy!

Olivia Joy was born 4 years ago today! 

Cancer will always be bittersweet for me.

With all the fear and doubt it brought to my life,

it also carried this precious gift to my family.

Olivia has stolen the hearts of many-

mine most of all.

I am forever grateful for all her "moms"

who shared their breast milk with her and helped her grow

for the first 18 months of her life!

Happy 4th Birthday, Olivia Joy!

Angel Foundation Kids Kamp

My family has been blessed by Angels! We are grateful to the Angel Foundation, an organization here in Minnesota formed to help parents with cancer and their families with non-medical expenses such as rent, gas, food, etc. They also provide support to the children in families touched by cancer. They hold fun events for families to attend together and also camps and teen events. For the past three years, Natalie and Larissa have attended The Angel Foundation Kids Kamp. I am grateful for all the love and support the staff and volunteers put into this. When a parent has cancer, it feels very scary and lonely at times. I am grateful that Natalie and Larrisa were given this opportunity to connect with other kids who share this journey.

This year Natalie was a Teen Mentor. Thank you, Angel Foundation. 

Here is this year's video!!

http://youtu.be/6Qc1RsOnrfQ?list=UUvkhaGiSI0llGNqVtS1b5rQ


PS: The Angel Foundation is an awesome group! To learn more about them:

http://www.mnangel.org/about

If you ever want to donate money to help people with cancer- please donate to them!

http://www.mnangel.org/donate

June 2014

In Minnesota, our winters get long. We just spent 6 months mostly indoors, so we have to make the most of our summers. I worked on spring cleaning and painted Natalie and Larissa's bedrooms. I noticed new pain in my left shoulder that I chalked up to painting, but the pain increased and I started to need more pain meds, so Dr. Laudi ordered an MRI that showed more tumor growth in my scapula (shoulder blade).  He wanted me to start radiation to help with the pain, but I want to give the Doxil time to work, so the plan is to have 2-3 rounds of Doxil, then have a PET scan. While my chemo works, my family and I will play.

Here is some of our June Fun:

Doxil: Dose 1

I have to admit, I'm sad to start chemo again. The break was nice. This will be my seventh line of treatment. Doxil has the same list of side effects as many other chemos: hair loss, nausea and vomiting, low blood counts.  As with plain Doxorubicin, I also get orange pee for a few days.